Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
