Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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