If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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