I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize