My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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