Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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