I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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