I CAN MOONWALK!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
