it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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