i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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