he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can't trust your balls anymore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
