do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
