Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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