I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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