Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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