before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
