D3 body, D1 cock
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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