I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
