wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
