You can't motorboat a personality
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Are we still banned from the library?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
