I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
