My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
