doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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