Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
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Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.