Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
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I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important