we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"