TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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