bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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