i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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