its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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