I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
