hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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