Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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