his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
