we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
