You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dick very happy bro
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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