I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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