dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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