Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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