??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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