Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
