After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize