Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
