its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
