I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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