You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
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i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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