Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I came so hard my ears popped.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
