so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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