Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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