Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
