Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
