The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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