I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
