From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
