I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
