dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She bit a glass in half.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
