i just wanna soil my oats bro
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
