Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize