Christians are straight up FREAKS
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
