i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
