Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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