I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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